Cinderella Ate My Daughter, Chapter 4

So, the debate on gender-neutral begins. I don’t yet have a set opinion on raising children in a gender-neutral way. I mean, I haven’t raised any children yet, and I undoubtedly consider myself a girl, so I wouldn’t know what it’s like. However, I can imagine it.

There are two sides of this debate, which both have sound concerns, and both on which Orenstein touches. One is based on the assumption that children will be happy with what they identify with, and the other is based on the fear that incongruences between a child’s gender and sex may cause emotional harm to the child farther down the road.

On one hand, it’s like a great idea to live in a world where everyone can be what they identify with. The story of X shows a utopia where children declare their own gender, independent from their physical appearance. If children are experiencing anxiety over being forced into a gender they don’t identify with, then why not let the children decide for themselves? Would that not solve the issue? This is what gender-neutral is all about. At first, I supported this approach. In theory, it sounds like the perfect answer, but then Orenstein introduced the other side of the debate, and I hesitated.

The other argument is that gender-neutral in our society will not provide the relief that it would in a perfect world. Orenstein mentioned a case where a boy was fine with his falsely assigned gender, but as he grew older, he couldn’t handle the incongruences and committed suicide. This story showed that emotional trauma does not go away, and persists throughout one’s lifetime. Even though one is raised gender-neutral, there will still be a societal perception of “girl” and “boy,” and biologically, one will still be male or female. So the anxiety that exists with being assigned a gender based on sex will still exist if one identifies with a gender that doesn't match their sex. Going under the knife to make gender match sex doesn’t solve all problems either. Many transgender people still have insecurities and anxieties about themselves.

Another thought I had is, if we are all gender-neutral, and we live in a supposedly perfect non-binary world, would we not be homogenized as a population? I am honestly just curious. I’m not trying to suggest it’s a bad thing – just different, and interesting to think about.

We'll never know the real answer to the debate because we are not a utopia. But in a perfect world, anything is possible. And we’ll all live happily ever after.

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Cinderella Ate My Daughter, Chapter 3

If you have not noticed from my other posts, I dislike pink.

My memory is a little hazy, but I have an impression that whenever asked what my favorite color was when I was younger, pink would never make the cut. At that time, however, I still tolerated pink. I once had a pink Barbie book bag, and I distinctly remember wearing a pink dress. But as I grew older and transitioned into my “tween” years, I remember rejecting anything pink. I had almost a hatred for the color or anything seemingly girly.

I’ve always wanted to be a strong girl. During recess in elementary school, I ran around with the boys and chased them around the field. In middle school, I took P.E. very seriously. As a competitive person, I had to be in the action at all times. When we played capture the football, I played offense with the boys while the “girlie-girls” played defense, which meant they just stood in the back and talked. I didn’t want to be like those girls. They were too passive. Too girly. And of course, I had to reject everything that meant being girly, which included the color pink. (By the way, my favorite color is blue, which may or may not also be indicative of a desire to be more masculine…but who knows, that may just be another social construct).

These past few years, I have been more in touch with my “girly” side; I now enjoy shopping more than I used to, and I’m more conscious about how I look and what I wear (but sometimes I’m still just like “f the patriarchy, I’ll wear what I want to wear”). But I still don’t like pink. Which brings me to an important point.

I share Orenstein’s frustration that 99% of things marketed towards girls is pink and sparkly (why is marketing specifically for girls necessary anyway?). Like, I do not want to choose between different shades of pink or purple sneakers, write with pink pens meant “for Her” (look up BIC for Her on Google, I swear it’s worth the laugh), or even shave with a pink razor. Don’t tell me the reason is that pink resonates more with female consumers. I mean, come on marketing teams…seriously? Maybe the reason why pink and feminine colors sell so well is that you and the rest of society condition little girls to like pink. Oh, and don’t get me started on the gender tax.

That sounded very angry at all things pink, which I didn’t necessarily mean. Don’t get me wrong. I couldn’t care any less that things are pink. I’m only upset at the fact that companies specifically use pink to target women. News flash: women like all the visible wavelengths on the electromagnetic spectrum. If you like pink, more power to you. I won’t stop you. You go, girl. But you can miss me with the pink wash of all products meant “for Her.”

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How Disney Changed My Perceptions on Gender

My title is a little misleading.

Disney has not changed my opinions on gender.

That’s not to say that I have not changed my opinions over the years. I definitely have. As a child, I did not know that anything else existed besides girl and boy. I thought gender and sex were the same thing. I could never dream that a girl could like a girl or a boy could like a boy. Now, I know that gender exists on a spectrum from girl to boy to anything in between and even beyond, and that love is love and it is real. But this change was a product of my own open mind, not exposure to Disney. In fact, Disney has yet to release a gender-fluid princess (or prince?)! And what a revolution that would be!

To me, Disney is less of a force of social change than it is a reflection of our gradually changing world. From a business standpoint, it makes sense to echo popular notions rather than to pioneer progressive ideas, in fear of losing sales. However, through Disney’s increasingly more common narratives of independent princesses, it is apparent that a change in society’s view on women is becoming more mainstream. In that sense, Disney taught me not that gender roles are restrictive, but that a break from traditional gender roles is more socially accepted. Women are not restricted to the home. They can work hard to achieve what they want, and they can be heroes as well.

However, my lack of change in opinion makes me more curious about other girls’ (or boys’) experiences with Disney. There must be somebody out there whose opinions were challenged by Disney’s portrayals of girls and femininity. I can imagine a young girl learning that girls can like reading books like Belle, and, like Tiana, they can also save the prince instead of the other way around. I can also imagine a little boy who now believes that girls can have “superpowers,” too, like Elsa. No matter who is influenced, I will continue to support Disney’s efforts to create strong female leads in their films. They could only be for the better.

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Cinderella Ate My Daughter, Chapter 2

Well, damn.

That’s my response to this chapter.

Just two words.

Who would have thought that so much thought went into the marketing of so-called princesses? The thought that some brands of dolls, like American Girl dolls, which supposedly fight girlie-girl culture, actually perpetuate it, is scary. I admit I wanted an American Girl doll when I was younger. My best friend had one, and it looked exactly like her: medium length, straight, dirty blonde hair, hazel eyes, it even came with the same outfit that she was wearing. Wouldn’t it be so cool to have a mini-me to play with and dress up? I thought so.

The point Orenstein makes about the materialism of American Girl dolls, however, is very valid. As a little girl, I was more fixated on my friend’s doll’s appearance than on the book that came with it. I honestly did not even remember the doll came with a story until Orenstein talked about it. So, whether purposefully or not, American Girl indeed failed at teaching that a girl’s actions are more important than how she looks, or, at least, I didn’t learn that from them.

One part that rubbed me the wrong way was when Orenstein described a conversation she had with some mothers at her daughter’s day care. Mara, one of the mothers, said, speaking about her daughter and son, “A reward for her is ‘You look so pretty, you look so beautiful.’ People tell her that all the time, and we do, too. We tell him, ‘You’re so smart.’” While reading the passage, I did not understand why I got angry, but now, thinking back on it, I think the reason was that Mara was perpetuating the old, segregated characteristics of male and female, assuming that girls needed to be pretty and boys smart. You know, Mara, what if a girl wants to be smart for a change? And boys? Boys can be pretty and handsome too. Social expectations work both ways. While girls can like pink among other colors, boys can like all colors but pink. While girls can wear dresses, skirts, and pants, boys can only wear pants. This reminds me of a best friend in preschool, who was a boy. His favorite color was pink, or so he told me one day. A few days later, when I asked him about it, he had changed his mind and denied that he said anything about liking the color pink. I’m not sure what happened in those few days, but quite possibly, he encountered resistance to his choice. In some ways, social stigmas might be worse for boys than they are for girls…but then again there are many expectations out there.

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Cinderella Ate My Daughter, Chapter 1

Speaking as a girl who rejects most things pink and who was never into the whole “princess” movement, I agreed with Orenstein’s dismay at her daughter’s sudden switch from Thomas the Train Engine to the dress-up corner. There is definitely a social construct that limits girls – and boys – to certain toys, and it upsets me a little. And as sad as the idea is, this social norm does not go away, nor can it go away. Orenstein mentions that princess-obsession disappears by college, but I beg to differ. Princess-obsession doesn’t disappear; it evolves. During o-week, while visiting new friends, I noticed a stark difference between girls’ and boys’ dorm rooms. Girls’ rooms were more “dressed-up,” or so to speak, with colorful bedding and walls filled with hundreds of pictures and fairy lights (even the name harkens back to princesses!), while boy’s rooms were much simpler, with solid colored sheets and a single poster on the walls. Sure, college girls no longer dress up as princesses, but the underlying social construct is still present.

A lot of times, it seems as if this “dress-up” culture is a bad thing. But the question is, do we do it because we genuinely like it or do we like it because we have to do it to fit in? Orenstein dawned on an interesting point. The popularity of the Disney princess could have made it easier for girls to become more in touch with their feminine side, for those who like that side. But for others, it may be a chore to wake up, dress up, and put on makeup just to match social standards. As for me, I like decorating because I like art, but I do not like wearing makeup because I want to look like the purest form of me. Maybe it was my limited exposure to Disney princesses – who knows? But even though some people might like dressing up, I still don’t understand how a new princess culture saves women from “dieting, plucking, and painting.” I know a few girls who started wearing makeup because they initially liked it, but now, after the novelty has worn off, they feel bound to it because nobody knows what they look like without it. They have become slaves of the feminine standards. And don’t even get me started on the social stress placed on having a thin and flawless body. It’s a vicious cycle of wanting to look good (but what/who defines good?) and others defining how you look.

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Introductory Post

Hello! I'm Karen, and welcome to my blog for my writing class about The Power of the Disney Princess!

I signed up for this class because I am interested in the way Disney has been shaped by and has influenced society’s image of girls – and the simple fact that I just love Disney. Aside from their catchy tunes, Disney’s lessons of female empowerment caught my eye, like Anna and Elsa’s story in Frozen about how they don’t need no man to save themselves. Girls can save the world too! However, I am also aware that Disney was not always like that. Decades ago, Disney princesses were the exact opposites, passive and pretty, and the shift from that view intrigues me.

I was not one of those girls who played dress up with princess gowns when they were little. My parents came from China, where the magical sunlight (or poisonous touch, if you prefer) of Disney did not shine, so I was not exposed to the world of princesses and fairies until I started public elementary school. By that time, I was “too old” to play dress up, so I slowly picked up bits and pieces of Ariel’s, Pocahontas’s, and Cinderella’s stories from my friends on the playground. Each of my Caucasian friends had a favorite princess. I needed a princess to connect with, so I chose Snow White, not because I liked her story, but because she had black hair like mine, unlike any of the other princesses. As I grew older, I witnessed the change of the Disney princess from the passive damsel in distress to the independent woman who goes on adventures of her own – from Aurora in Sleeping Beauty, to Belle in Beauty and the Beast, to Rapunzel in Tangled – and I experienced the inclusion of many more races, like Mulan and Tiana. Finally, I had a princess of my race and culture! This transformation made me wonder how we as a society have changed and will continue to change.

I am interested in exploring the way Disney reflects and influences society. Does society affect Disney’s portrayal of women, or does Disney contribute to societal norms? I wonder, through its growth as a media empire, how much influence does Disney really have on young girls, and is its campaign to create more independent princesses to foster more progressive ideals in young girls working? Where do Disney and feminism intersect? Will Disney continue to represent different cultures in their films? How far are they willing to go? I am excited to see where Disney puts its influence. Disney’s empire will fall one day, but I hope to see them make a positive change in society’s views on women and different cultures.
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