So, the debate on gender-neutral begins. I don’t yet have a
set opinion on raising children in a gender-neutral way. I mean, I haven’t
raised any children yet, and I undoubtedly consider myself a girl, so I wouldn’t
know what it’s like. However, I can imagine it.
There are two sides of this debate, which both have sound
concerns, and both on which Orenstein touches. One is based on the assumption
that children will be happy with what they identify with, and the other is
based on the fear that incongruences between a child’s gender and sex may cause
emotional harm to the child farther down the road.
On one hand, it’s like a great idea to live in a world where
everyone can be what they identify with. The story of X shows a utopia where children
declare their own gender, independent from their physical appearance. If
children are experiencing anxiety over being forced into a gender they don’t
identify with, then why not let the children decide for themselves? Would that
not solve the issue? This is what gender-neutral is all about. At first, I
supported this approach. In theory, it sounds like the perfect answer, but then
Orenstein introduced the other side of the debate, and I hesitated.
The
other argument is that gender-neutral in our society will not provide the
relief that it would in a perfect world. Orenstein mentioned a case where a boy was fine with his falsely
assigned gender, but as he grew older, he couldn’t handle the incongruences and
committed suicide. This story showed that emotional trauma does not go away,
and persists throughout one’s lifetime. Even though one is raised
gender-neutral, there will still be a societal perception of “girl” and “boy,”
and biologically, one will still be male or female. So the anxiety that exists
with being assigned a gender based on sex will still exist if one identifies with a gender that doesn't match their sex. Going under the
knife to make gender match sex doesn’t solve all problems either. Many
transgender people still have insecurities and anxieties about themselves.
Another thought I had is, if we are all gender-neutral, and
we live in a supposedly perfect non-binary world, would we not be homogenized
as a population? I am honestly just curious. I’m not trying to suggest it’s a
bad thing – just different, and interesting to think about.
We'll never know the real answer to the debate because we are not a utopia. But in a perfect world, anything is possible. And we’ll all
live happily ever after.
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